Evolution

2001: My first flight ever to Southeast Asia is booked and a wave of panic is hitting me, hard, as I am realizing I am about to leave my confort zone. “What am I gonna do if I fall sick, can’t communicate with people or simply don’t feel comfortable, so far from home?"

24 February 2015: U Bein bridge, next to Mandalay, Myanmar/Burma

2015: I'm reading at the back of a taxi driving to Bangkok center. My body is relaxing while my mind is getting increasingly excited about the idea of going to my favorite Japanese restaurant in town. While I look outside, checking if the driver is taking the right road, I start thinking of the different places I like in Bangkok and would like to go back to in the coming days. Once again, being here suddenly feels like Home.

20 February 2015: Mr. Aye Kyaw Htay, vendor in Zegyo Market, Mandalay, Myanmar/Burma

And while my heartbeat keeps dropping, I wonder how I would have reacted, back then, in 2001, if someone had predicted 2015 to me. A punch in his face, maybe. Or, more certainly, a stronger panic attack... ;-)

In(ner) Peace

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” - Rumi

Yes, 10 days of yoga and meditation make you more flexible, quiet and a bit cheesy ;-).

16 February 2015: Glen, Koh Pha Ngan, Thailand

Introspection

Time flies. Two years ago, I was in Yaounde, Cameroon, wondering if my new job really was for me. Today, I am writing my end of mission report in Afghanistan, waiting for a good break, already knowing another challenge is coming.

14 January 2013: Sarah, waiting in Yaounde, Cameroon.

Return to Forrest

Playing tennis table alone doesn't exactly sound like fun, even if you are stuck in a compound, with nobody else to play against. That was until I discovered that ping pong robot existed. Forrest Gump would have been amazingly jealous (and would have lost) :-)

01 October 2014: Piotr, ICRC staff and passionated table tennis player. Kabul, Afghanistan

Up in the Air

My good old friend Bonobo is flirting with my ears with his new album live. And time and gravity don't exist anymore...

Stress management lesson One

17 October 2014: Talia, Mazar-e-Sharif, Afghanistan

Dreams of Home

While summer is slowly coming to an end and my first thoughts on my next mission starting to appear, I suddenly wish I were in Southeast Asia, Home, eating street food and shooting portraits. Quietly, before going back to another crazy mission. Soon... inch'allah.

24 September 2014: On the road between Taloqan and Fayzabad, Northeastern Afghanistan

26 September 2014: Afghans during Maghrib prayer in Fayzabad, Northeastern Afghanistan

Full Stop

A few hours after I published my last post, Migros Magazine finally contacted me, apologizing for the modification of my picture and claiming that I was "... completely right: it loses a bit of the intensity" but then blaming its cropping on the website requirement and its editing on the printing of the magazine, requesting the contrast to be modified.

Modifying a picture to print it doesn't mean that the same version has to be published online. And if a website can not display pictures without cropping them, then it has a serious problem, even more when it is supposed to host a photo competition. A proof that it is possible is that, a few hours after that email was sent, my picture was finally visible in its original version on their website. And I would prefer not comment on the "loses a bit of the intensity".

25 July 2014: Cruise on the Bosphorus and drinking competition between a mother and her son. Istanbul surroundings, Turkey.

I know Migros is not a photography magazine and I appreciate their efforts to promote or to show humanitarian's work under a different angle. However, their attitude is unfortunately very representative of the society today. Photographers and their work are not as respected as much as they should.  Pictures are frequently used without proper credits or edited without their author's approval. Photographers are not always paid for their work, or late or simply with peanuts, as if taking pictures was just pressing a button. Some can blame the crisis in the photojournalism industry. But as said Jean-Francois Leroy, director of Visa pour l'Image: “Magazines always say they have no money [for serious reportage]. This is bullshit. They have a lot of money for pictures of Prince William’s girlfriend, but not enough to send two photographers to Chechnya? Bullshit.”

If "a picture is worth a thousand words", maybe it is good to remember that there is some work behind it ...

P.S: That also means that you can not use the pictures of my website without my approval ;-)

Lack of dignity

Photography is not random. Good pictures are rarely taken by pure accident. Put a camera in my hands and I usually feel obsessed by photography. I try to find a rare moment, a good light, something different, or something that reminds me something else, another picture, another ambiance or atmosphere. And I set my camera to get what I want, what I think would give me what I want.

25 July 2014: Cruise on the Bosphorus, next to Istanbul, Turkey

The result is rarely exactly matching my expectations and even when it looks ok, I remain anxious till I can see it in front of my computer. Most of the time, I am not really satisfied or even not satisfied at all. But when I feel I got something nice, then I feel happy, in peace with myself and quickly want to get a second one, like a drug addict.

Those pictures are my pictures, my babies, my testimony of life around me. Even if I am the only one looking at them or appreciating them.

24 July 2014: Ghulane Park, Istanbul, Turkey.

Few weeks ago, a Swiss Magazine, Migros, selected one of my pictures, already published here on my blog, for a photo competition on the subject "Dignity despite suffering". I was first happy to have the opportunity of sharing it with a larger audience than my blog, and to hopefully have people looking at life in Central African Republic a bit differently.

But once published online, I instantly realized that it had not only been processed (exposure changed, to make it brighter) but also cropped. My picture was not random. Before I took it, I first saw a moment that inspired me, that I wanted to share. Then, I moved to find the right angle, composition and light. And finally, I waited, till the mother turned her head, till the children in the background stopped waving at me. I wanted a unique moment and, for once, I got it. But Migros made it more random, by breaking the symmetry, composition and brightness of my picture, without even informing me or asking for my authorization. I contacted them three times to ask them to revert it to its original version or to, at least,  give me an explanation. I am still waiting...

Keeping my picture as it had been taken would not have cost them anything, not even time. And lets by honest, I do not consider that retouching it changed, in one way or another, my chance of winning (or losing). But it just seems that, despite their "prestigious jury" (...), Migros, as many others before them, does not see photographies as the result of a work or some reflexions, but just as someone pressing the button of an automatic random camera. Something without value, that they can modify however they feel like and make their. Sad... and I'm not sure to see any dignity in it.

Slice of Life

“What i like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.” ― Karl Lagerfeld.

Me too. I would just have preferred if it could have been said by someone else than him. ;-) Any other interesting quote you like?

3 July 2014: Improvised concert with Skateistan team (check their very inspiring project here), in Mazar-e-Sharif, Afghanistan

Contrasted Bubble

After a long week, quiet evening at home, in Kunduz, with the AC on, trying to minimize the effects of the 44°C outside. The wifi provides me with a slow but surprisingly stable access to the world and to Moby's new song, Scarlet's latest movie and answers to my numerous questions.

Perfect moment in music, in my bubble, only interrupted at regular intervals by the sound of fighting a few kilometers away. My old new friend Skunk Anansie resumes singing and the weekend continues. Weird life.

26.06.2014: Afghans "encouraging" themselves to start dancing. Kunduz, Afghanistan.26.06.2014: Afghan musiciens. Kunduz, Afghanistan

Back to Work

43°C in Mazar-e-Sharif and a country holding its breath before tomorrow and the second round of the presidential elections.

The season 2 of "Orange is the new black" is cheap, not only because they over-used scenes with naked women but mostly because they decided to totally ignore the spirit of the book and to write their own vision of prison, using tons of clichés. Sad, the first one was nice.

Every single traveler stuck more than 2 hours at an airport should have a "Priority Pass" card. 22 euros and you get free drinks, food and internet access, while enjoying a nice sofa in silence. Totally worthy...

31 May 2014: Place des Martyrs, Beirut, Lebanon

The Cost of Life

Up to 500 people died last Friday due to a landslide in Badakhshan province, Afghanistan. After two days looking for survivors, the local Governor declared "We cannot continue the search and rescue operation anymore, as the houses are under meters of mud. We will offer prayers for the victims and make the area a mass grave".

A few thousands of kilometers from there, hundreds of people have been working since March 8th, to find, in the middle of the ocean, missing flight MH370 and its 227 passengers and 12 crew members. It represents, according to the estimations, more than USD100 million spent for the operation (and therefore more than ICRC's budget  in Afghanistan for 2013).

How much are we ready to invest to find the mortal remains of relatives? Is there a limit to everything, a maximum cost to truth? I wonder...

02 May 2013: Lucia, Mazar-e-Sharif, Afghanistan

In the Ghetto

Without me even noticing it, almost 4 months past since my arrival in Afghanistan. Last weekend, despite the insecurity and the threats, millions of Afghans went voting for a new president. Winter is over, my pullovers returned to my trunk (a place they should never have left) and the ice cream vendors started squatting Mazar's streets, filling them with annoying music, announcing their presence. A new routine in my life...

12 April 2014: Farewell dinner for the departure of some colleagues. Mazar-e-Sharif, Afghanistan.

In Motion

In a few days, I am going to move to a new house. Few months ago, I realized that, in the past 5 years, I had never slept for more than 30 successive days in the same bed. It is not going to change soon... and I do not want it to.

01 March 2014: R&G wedding, Divonne-les-Bains, France

P.S: Albert, I promise that the next one is going to be in color, just for you ;-)

Reel Life (Evolution II) [Man with a Movie Camera] by The Cinematic Orchestra

Swiss Brackets

Sushis, a big TV to re-watch Gravity in HD and "Jose James", whispering in my ears through my favorite headphones (QC15), kindly replaced by Bose three years after their purchased (guys... I could French kiss you for that). A great wedding, other sushis with precious friends, an Italian smile and a week and brain out of gravity, far from everything.

In 40 hours, I will be reading documents, catching-up with emails and talking with my colleagues, preparing an important month for Afghanistan. As if I had never left, except this quiet music in my mind. I love my life.

01 March 2014: R&G wedding guests trying to start fireworks, Divonne-les-Bains, France

Arctic Portrait

-19°C outside, heavy snow falls and all the roads are blocked. Perfect moment to take 5 minutes for some fun, hoping the camera won't freeze (like the water in the toilets). I love Afghanistan.

06 February 2014: Prof. Mehrabuddin, Kunduz, Afghanistan

Another World

My glass is (re)filled with bubbles and my plate with seafood and sushis. Around me, posh girls or wannabes are pretending to have fun while I do, observing them, wondering how many hours it took them to put such a quantity of makeup on their face.Later, another place and a DJ making a break, while imams in town are calling for prayer. Same crowd than before, facing proud skyscrapers and another round of bubbles, while I’m enjoying the music, wondering why I feel so in peace with myself.

23 January 2014: People taking pictures of the Dubai Fountain show, at the bottom of the Burj Khalif, next to Dubai mall, Dubai.

The difficulty here is not to jump from one place to another, from a war zone to a party in Dubai, but rather to explain it to people who have not experienced this kind of life. In the same way that I spoke lately about the notion of normality, there is no common definition for the word “routine”. We all get used to our lives and all learn to deal with it. Like new parents are getting used to lack of sleep and develop their patience skills, you can get used to live with a certain level of insecurity and learn how to adapt to such contexts, leading you sometimes to be enjoying a glass of champagne in a club a few hours after you passed in front of a bombed restaurant.

There is nothing brave or outstanding in that. Or at least, not more than being able to have dinner a few minutes after having changed your child diapers...

24 January 2014: Club 360, in front of the Burj Al Arab, Dubai

The Proof is in the Carpet

- Do you mind if I take a picture of you?

- Could you take one step back?

- Just look at me.

- Thanks. Tashakur!

18 January 2014: Mr. Rohullah, (proud) carpet seller in Mazar-e Sharif, Afghanistan

Balade Parisienne

A few days in Paris and I am suddenly craving for street photography. Not sure my new mission in Afghanistan will give me that opportunity... but I hope to have the chance to shoot a few nice portraits.

21 November 2013: Café "Le Centenaire", Paris, France

Meanwhile, I'm getting rid of any form of gravity in my mind, listening to the new compilation by Bonobo and Late Night Tales.

21 November 2013: Exhibition "Un moment si doux" by Raymond Depardon, at the Grand Palais, Paris, France

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

In the past years, I have frequently thought about the notion of acceptance and coping mechanism. Not only on myself, to minimize the risk of turning completely nuts or burnt out, but also on the local population, dealing with insecurity and lack of stability over a long period of time. I frequently wondered how Darfuri women could still go fetching water, despite the risk of getting attacked, or how people could have a discussion with me and stay stoic, few hours after they lost their son or a relative.

Reading Malcom Gladwell’s latest book, David and Goliath (perfect summer reading), I found an interesting quote from Cambridge University psychologist J T. MacCurdy, about his experience being in London during the Blitz: “We are all of us not merely liable to fear, we are also prone to be afraid of being afraid, and the conquering of fear produces exhilaration.…When we have been afraid that we may panic in an air-raid, and, when it has happened, we have exhibited to others nothing but a calm exterior and we are now safe, the contrast between the previous apprehension and the present relief and feeling of security promotes a self-confidence that is the very father and mother of courage.”

01 November 2013: Reyes, at Hemingway's, Bangkok, Thailand

MacCurdy makes a distinction between people being directly killed, closed witness (near misses) and remote witness (remote misses). The “near misses” feel the blast, see the explosion and the carnage and are maybe even hit themselves. On the other end, the “remote misses” listen to the sirens, hear the explosions but are left uninjured and are not a direct eye witness of the carnage.

According the his studies, while the second group, the “near misses”, has to deal with a trauma and a psychological shock that might change his life for the worst, the “remote misses” might, in the contrary, develop a feeling of self-confidence, gaining in courage (explaining partially why the population of London did not flee town after the first attacks and even felt stronger). Although Gladwell goes even further and speak about a feeling of invincibility, I suspect a summarization a bit too extreme and I am not sure to agree on that, as I don’t consider that feeling invulnerable is something positive in a war zone. But I definitely think that what doesn’t kill us could make us stronger and that there is something to learn from the population of London during the war.

But right now, I need to keep my promise not to think about work and to just enjoy the swimming pool and the food ;-)